On My Bright Side# 19

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"How are you doing Yoongi?"

His mother asked.. her voice as calm an ocean breeze. The typical characteristic of his mother.

"Okay.."

Yoongi said. That was just another normal day in the family.

"Eat this. Did you clean your room? And why were you up so late at night? I told you several times, it's bad for your health. If you behave like an immature kid now, I don't know what to expect in the future."

Her daily dose of nag was all he needed. Trust me, she was annoying him. But don't we all think the same when our mother gives us a long end speech. He just keeps eating. He knew she just wants him to take care of himself.

"How is school? What about basketball? I told you that was not necessary. Just get some good grades okay. I seriously wanted you to persue a medical career like me. But ofcourse, kids these days never want to listen."

He just rolled his eyes having sip after sip from his glass of milk. He has heard the same thing about 1754 times, now immune to it.

"I hope you aren't getting involved in any relationships. I want you to study well. Get a job. Also.. you need to live upto our class. You don't want people to laugh at you saying how poor your performance is and how unlucky you are in your life with parents as successful as us."

Don't worry. It was her usual self. And Yoongi was all known and all prepared for her 'kind' words.

"I can see you are quite out of it. Not engaging much in girls and all. That's good."

She reviewed. Like any other day, like any other conversation between a child and his mother. Her going on and on without a break while he struggled to not take her words into consideration. Mainly because he knew they were old fashioned. It just came out abruptly though..

"I'm not even interested in girls."

He said.. his mouth doing it's job of chewing as fast as he could to get out of that place and run to school.

"Good. I don't want you to be."

She replies. He knows she is not naive. His eyes narrowing as he gulps the remaining of the food in his mouth to test her patience before she blasts. Ofcourse she knew what was going on, she had heard him tell his friend that he was gay and not interested in the girl who wouldn't leave him alone from the past month. He also confessed he had kissed a boy.

He had heard her gasp. But Yoongi being Yoongi continued to talk to his friend like he didn't notice her peaking from his door when she heard him talk to someone late at night. He merely changed the topic. He was too calm for a 16 year old. Too much.

"I meant.. I like boys."

His eyes glued to her face. Suddenly he couldn't feel the fear. His mom was a doctor.. she knew better, he thought. That's the point.. "he thought"

She just smiled at him, picking up the plates and walking back into the kitchen.

"Your lunch."

She placed a small blue box on the table next to his left hand.

"It's a phase Yoongi.. it will ."

She said.. as if she knew what she was talking about but clearly she didn't.

"You are in boys school you know. Things like this often happen to people your age. It will once you go around and meet some people."

She assured. He knew she was talking ridiculous things that even she couldn't explain. But maybe she was right. He has never been around the other gender. But he had seen his classmates drooling over girls from other schools. He didn't feel the need to even know the name of the girl who kept sending him gifts during his games.

"Mom it's not like that. I feel it. It's not what you think it is."

He said.. quite and composed. She didn't need to know the tension and panic his brain was going through. He was just trying to understand himself. He was just beginning to live. He wasn't even sure-sure. He was going with his instincts. And Mr. John said it's fine to be what you want to be.. without fear of judgement.

"Yoongi, you're going to be late. Don't think too much about such things and focus on your school."

The discussion of the day was dismissed just like that. It was brought up again a few months later.. then once again before he decided to zip his mouth forever.

He knew it was a clear red flag and he tried to go with the rules. Close his eyes and forgot everything. His usual cold self turned to it's freezing point almost.

He had struggled and struggled alone afraid to speak up to someone just in case knowing about his secret. He knew he'd be in great trouble if he advances any further. His parents might lose their "reputation". And it was cruel than losing their child, ofcourse. His mind dragged him in a out of a known depression.

Years have ed. He doesn't visit home much now. Twice a year is enough.. and he is grateful for that. He had never thought he'd really be interested in someone or anyone for the matter of fact. When he met Hoseok.. it just amused him how the pretty boy was rude to them all except how he turned soft towards Jin.

He certainly didn't plan on taking any more interest in the boy.. but things happened. Hoseok was everything he was not. A bit too cherry for his liking.. but he knew that was the only person he could turn soft towards. Jungkook and Taehyung were tolerable enough.. but he couldn't blindly stab himself if one of them asked him to.

Right now.. if he thinks of it.. he isn't even in love. He just likes that boy a lot.. in what sense? He doesn't know either. He just wants to be close to him. Or being honest, closest to him. Maybe Hoseok's bright side would shine down on him. And he could rub off some of his happiness on Yoongi.

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