heartbreak with zoe

we all have our rough days, our rough nights, and our low points.

but as of right now? zoe murphy is having a rough life.

•••

hi!! i'm finally doing these!! i plan to make up for all the other ones soon! I'm sorry Talyn!

So- here goes nothing!!

TW!! Suicide!!!!

Crush Culture - Conan Gray

Zoe Murphy started off loveproof. Zoe Murphy thought she was one of the lucky ones, to never be in love. To never get broken. Zoe Murphy has friends. Platonic love was her thing. But she had never ever ever been in love. And she never ever would be.

Or so she thought.

"Crush Culture makes me wanna spill my guts out."

Dream Boy - Beach Bunny

Zoe was wrong. One day she spotted Evan Hansen ing the hallways, hunched over and bending over as not to get in the way of his peers. And holy fuck he was pretty. His soft face scattered with freckles, blue eyes that were like pools she would dive in any day of any week, a little bit of chub that would make for perfect hugs, and pretty, shiny, fluffy dirty blonde hair.

"You've got my heart bursting at the seams. Maybe you're the boy of my dreams-?"

Fly Me To The Moon - The Macarons Project

One day, in science, they were learning about the moon for the thirty thousandth time. Specifically her and Evan, because they were partners on a presentation. They exchanged emails and phone numbers. One day, Zoe grew a pair sent him this. It took a bit, but eventually Evan got the memo and accepted.

"In other words, please be true-- and in other words, I love you."

Coffee Breath - Sofia Mills

Zoe started to notice the small thing about Evan. His little fidgets, his torn lips from all the chewing, his gentle and sweet blue eyes, his horrible and nervous posture, his soft features, and the constellations that seemed to appear on his face. Damn. She wouldn't trade him for the world.

"You got those big blue eyes, drive me crazy. Make me fantasize, 'bout ya baby."

So Will I - Ben Platt

Six months in, Zoe noticed Evan starting to get more- bland. He was seeming more nervous and not being as open about his feelings. He seemed to be awfully quiet-- which was never the case once you got to know him. And he didn't laugh anymore. Well- sometimes. but not as much. So Zoe started to take it into her hands and start reminding him how much she loved him, and that she wasn't going anywhere.

"The mountains won't stop moving, & the rivers wont run dry. The world will always be there-- And so will I."

Forever - Lewis Capaldi

One day, one especially horrible day, Evan sent her this song with the follow up message of 'i love you. i'm sorry.'

She ran to his house as fast as she could but by then she was too late. He was gone.

She had never screamed louder.

"Nobody said that this would last forever. That doesn't mean we didn't try together."

Kerosene - Anson Seabra

Zoe Murphy was a shell of herself. She could hardly function. She was failing her classes and her heart was constantly sinking. She couldn't stop thinking of him. She couldn't stop thinking of the scene. She couldn't stop hearing his voice, smelling his scent, feeling him near. but none of those things were there. She was the only one who noticed them.

"(he) lit me up, (he) left me numb, I call (him) Kerosene.

Before You Go - Lewis Capaldi

She always wondered if she could have stopped this. If she had been there sooner, or tried harder, or convinced him to go to therapy. She wanted to help him. But she was far too late. He was gone now.

"Was there something I could've said to make it all stop hurtin'? It kills me how your mind could make you feel so worthless-"

Shoegazer - Beach Bunny

Zoe Murphy's story wasn't over. She missed him, she did. But everyone around her wanted to see her move on. Even her bitch brother, who never seemed to like her very much, was being nicer recently. Trying to help, she thought. Maybe this was a sign for a new beginning. Maybe that's what Evan wanted. Maybe she wasn't meant to help him, as much as she hated to it it.

Maybe, one day, one day soon, she could move on.

"And the older you grow, the more you come undone. Your life has just begun-- Shoegazer--"

listen here, kiddos