Note: this is about heterosexual Northern American and European marriages.
In today's world more and more people decide or are forced to be single but why is situation like that?
1) Traditional reasons for marriage aren't important anymore.
In the past, it was extremely important for women to have husbands who would finance them since they weren't allowed to work. Women now are allowed to work and finance their own lifestyles. Besides work, they still hold most contribution to household chores in relationship. Men, minority that were willing to adapt, work and do household chores. With almost everyone being able to hold both roles, traditional need for marriage stopped existing and more people are getting married because of love.
2) Most men still haven't adapt.
Most men still have belief that women should do all household chores and most women don't want that anymore. They saw how unhappy their mothers were to clean after them and their man-child husbands. They don't want the same for themselves. They want emotionally mature men, someone who wouldn't leave them when they are sick and someone who is willing to help clean living space they share with them.
3) High divorce rates give bad reputation to marriage.
It is estimated that 48% of marriages in UK end with divorce. That leads to people thinking "why should I spend money and time on wedding when there is a chance I would divorce?" On positive side, high divorce rates means less people in unhappy marriages and less traumatised children who wished their parents would divorce so that they don't have to spend time listening to constant fights. When there is financial freedom, there is no reason for staying in unhappy marriage, no matter if reason for divorce is one of spouses being abusive or one of spouses stopped being in love and/or fall in love with someone else.
4) Single women are more happier than women in relationship and marriage.
Multiple studies showed that single women, single mothers or not, are more happier and live longer than those that have a partner. Unlike men, who are more healthier and happier when in relationship. Besides that, there is less stigma about living alone, being single mother and using sperm donor than ever before.
5) Wedding is expensive.
Unless you borrow someone's suit or wedding dress, put ribbon on flowers you picked and get married in hall with just two of you, wedding is expensive. With that comes an expectation that one of partners, mostly woman, would change surname. Changing your documents is expensive.
6) Having kids outside of marriage isn't shame anymore
In the past a lot of people got married when women was pregnant because if they stay unmarried and have a child, it was considered huge shame on family. My mother experienced that in late 90' when she was pregnant with me.
Final thoughts
I want to finish by sharing some thoughts. It is sad that there are still people who believe it's better for anyone to be married and unhappy than single and happy. Why they think that? Are they unable to live alone, without someone to pretend to be their parents? Are they unhappy in their marriages so they want others to be unhappy too? After all, misery loves company. Who knows?
Comments (11)
The only relevant part of marriage in the modern age is the legal stuff(takes about an hour) for the benefits.
Most people who encourage marriage want people to be married and happy, not really married and unhappy so Im just going to speak to the first thing. Just as expectations go, western society isn't as restrictive and pressuring with marriage as it once was where marriage was an inherent step in life.
I agree that people get married less because of the shift in roles and expectations for marriage and women, leading to rise in single mothers but also a change in expectation to have children in the first place for men and women. At least for most people looking to get married, its mainly with the idea of having children. So both aren't really incentivized for marriage in that regard.
Women do still share an abundant of the housework, working or non-working, but the disparity has been shrinking, both in what chores men do and how long they do housework. Still no where near equitable with women spending twice as long as housework and it's still generally more sacrificing for a woman to get married in a heterosexual relationship, but neither are really that encouraged to get married. I also think with economic shifts, technological advancements and whatnot it's especially easier for people to enjoy and stay single and that much harder to get married and a family.
But I also think some speculation is kinda unfair or misleading. Most people are also not anti marriage and have either already been married or are just waiting. This post also takes a weirdly anti-man stance which may be personal, but also is kinda eh as at least to my knowledge that men arent that much any more or less likely to look for marriage than women.
I'm not talking about those that encourage marriage, the "you two look so good together" type of people. I'm talking about those that are pushing and judging towards those who haven't been married yet, those that think marriage and kids are something everyone must do unless they want to be seen as a failure.
I'm sorry it sounded anti-man. It's not what I was intending to make it sound. I was really trying to make it equal.