Why "respect" is broken

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I believe the term "respect" in regards to horses is broken. I've seen it used as an excuse to bully horses and do things considered abusive had the horse not had a shiny and the human talked about respect. In this post, i will be explaining more about what respect is and how it relate to horses.

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What is respect?

If you look to the picture above, you will see what the word respect means. We see iring someone for what they can do, and honoring wishes as part of this. So, how come that's not my first thought when I hear respect?

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Describtion 1 is what i will refer to when talking about submission

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Fear based "respect"

If you're like me, you'll instantly notice a contradiction. How can iring someone and honoring their wishes be based on fear? It can't. But many have the misconception that "respect" means blind obedience and instant reactions to commands, which is submission, not respect. It's more doing as someone else wish, often for horses forced and have nothing to do with what they think .

This misconception about what respect is happens both inside and outside the horse world. An example outside the horse world is a parent using their authority to demand respect, instead of letting the child develop it. From personal experience I can tell you, this bring no respect at all or even disrespect. It bring submission and extreme fear of consequences, though some persons would also try to rebel and "fight" them by talking back, doing the opposite of what's told etc. A parent who demands no respect, but rather have clear rules that make sense listens to you will gain respect automatically as you learn they're fair with you and you can always talk with them if there is something.

For horses, this is very much the same. Many try gaining respect through fear or force - the horse is chased around a roundpen until it submit, the pressure get escalated if the horse don't respond etc. The horses have no choice but to do as we say and when we try getting respect, we often end up just making them too scared to communicate how they feel and what they want. If we want something closer to respect, we should have fair, clear, consistent rules and listen when our horse communicate with us so they feel safe to voice their feelings. But this also bring us to the next question.

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Can horses understand respect?

Respect is a man made concept. In order to do it, you need to choose to ire someone for their abilities or willingly choice (so no force through escalating pressure etc) to honor the wishes of someone else or respect their opinion. Horses can't do this in the proper meaning of respect, but we can get something that look like it. If we stop looking for respect and instead work on understanding our horses (books on horse behavior such as "Language signs and calming sigmals of horses" which is based on Scientific studies, not opinions, are good for that). The rules we have should be clear, fair and always there so the horse can understand what they are. If our horse don't want to be ridden (signs can be moving away from saddle or not standing still at the mounting block) we should respect that and not ride. Horses are naturally willing animals - if they don't wish to work with us, we have to consider possible pain and our training methods to make sure the horse can do as we ask without pain and that they understand what we're asking from them. The closest we come to getting respect from our horses, is first respecting them and giving them trust they can communicate with us.

As an example - With Ditte, i have developed a 2 way communication. She know my rules of comfort and won't step over those boundaries on purpose. We do loads of things many would label as disrespect, such as her almost sitting on my back while i'm reading to scratch her tail, but I know i could ask her not to if I weren't comfortable. The same way, if she's not comfortable with what i'm doing, she'll tell me and if I don't listen, reinforce that if she really want me to stop. Out on walks, I can tell her "Now I decide" and "Now you decide" and while I decide, she can't graze. She accept this and 9/10 times do as I say when i tell her it's my turn to decide. But, if we a good grazing spot, she'll stop and tell me that now it's her turn and here we should grass or she may tell me she don't wish to continue walking yet. I often let her get her way with this and 5 minutes later she move on on her own or is willing to listen. The few times I do insist she do as I say, she will listen though. We have a good relationship where i respect her wishes and allow her to make a choice and this means she feel free to communicate and I can let her go against my signal without fear she'll later use it against me or be harder to convince to do as I ask. I believe that communication, mutual trust and both being able to make decisions and insist on going against the others choice every now and then when necessary is the closest we can get to respect with a horse - and that's certainly not obtained through moving their feet and not letting them ignore a signal.

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I hope you enjoyed this post and got to think about respect in horses. Feel free to share your thoughts on this topic below so we can all see this from different perspectives and maybe see it a way we have never thought of before.

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