Fake Smile

Be forewarned, as this story does deal with the subjects of depression and suicidal contemplation. If you're sensitive to either of these subjects, I will not blame you if you choose to move along.

With that said, onto the story.

"Kima! Need any assistance?"

"Nah, I got it."

"You sure? Quite the heavy load you got there."

"Sure I'm sure. Besides, these documents are for me specifically. With enough patience, I can get this done in no time flat!"

"Haha. I suppose so. Don't overwork yourself now."

"Of course, Xander."

The High Prince walked away, a gallant beat to his step, leaving him with the large pile of work as per his request. He started to walk towards his chambers, thinking back to how Xander looked as he offered the help. He was smiling, but something seemed off about it. Kima, feeling down, could only replicate the same smile he was given.

There goes another person, with that fake smile.

Upon reaching the door, he carefully balances the pile of paper, and opens it up. "I'm home," he says, hoping that Kagero wouldn't be there yet. He enters the room, and slowly closes the door behind him, letting out a sigh of relief when there was no response. He quickly reaches the desk, and gets to work, his quill moving at near light speed to get everything done on time. Seeing how night was falling already, he felt as if he wasn't doing enough, that he wasn't up to par. Each time he thought this, he started to work a little faster. His hands sweating, his brain full of thoughts, some beyond his own comprehension.

As if the gods themselves wanted to calm him down, Kagero stepped into the room, holding a saucer, home to a kettle and two teacups. "I'm home."

"Welcome back," he replies out of habit. She steps closer placing a teacup by the edge of the desk and slowly pouring the tea into it. "Thanks." He takes a slow, drawn out sip out of the bitter drink, letting his mind wander freely for a moment. Strangely enough, he felt relieved to see his lover return without injury, especially with the increased fighting taking place nowadays, yet her presence didn't seem to have the same calming effect as it typically did. Something felt off about it, but it couldn't put his finger on it. "I heard you spent some time with some of the other female Heroes today. Did you have fun?"

She gave a small, but gentle smile as sat on the bed, sipping her own tea. "Quite, although I did ask to bail when Charlotte went to get some drinks."

"Hehe, not surprising. Sorry about that."

"Don't worry about it." Kagero stands up and looks over Kima's shoulder to get a closer look at his work. "More paperwork today? You've been swamped with it lately." He simply lets out a sigh, but Kagero notices his frustration. "Mind if I aid you?" He shook his head.

"Were it that simple, I wouldn't mind," he says picking up another document and skimming through it. "Unfortunately, a lot, if not all of them need my signature, so I need to pretty much do it myself. I am the tactician at the end of the day, after all." She gives him a worried look, her eyes trying to connect with his, but as if he knew what she was attempting, he simply looked back at the desk, quill in hand.

"At least allow me to help with you calculations. It'll speed up the process a little bit." Kima turned around and finally makes eye with Kagero, giving her a smile. While it looks authentic, both knew in their hearts the truth of that smile, and the pain behind it.

"Don't worry about me. I'll be done before you know it."

The Next Night

*knock knock*

"Come in."

On cue, the redheaded warrior enters the chambers, wearing more casual clothing than normal, even allowing her hair to go straight down rather than her typically twin tails. This made Kima somewhat happen to see her in another light, but she was beyond embarrassed, and felt awkward not having her weapon on hand.

"Alright, I'm here," she declares, "but what the hell are you doing, asking me to come here so late?" Kima turns to Selena, and when their eyes locked, Selena immediately knew something was wrong: his eyes were... soulless, completely void of life, his gentle smile all but replaced with a fake one, his hair in a complete mess, as if he woke up not two seconds ago from a horrible nightmare. She couldn't fathom that he was the same person that she came to know when she was first summoned to the world of Askr. All she could do is stare at him, completely paralyzed. Kima, on the other hand, simply patted the bed next to him, as an invitation. Selena, now worried, slowly walked up to him, and sat down as instructed.

"Sorry about asking you here this late, but I needed to talk to someone," he tells her, his eyes refusing to look up.

"What? You have Kagero don't you?" She questions him. "If you have a problem, you can go-"

"This is something I can't tell her." Selena, taken aback, looks at him, trying to understand what was going on. "She already has too much on her plate, especially as of late. I don't want to burden her anymore than I have."

"What makes you think-"

"Her eyes, her smile," he interrupts once again. "And not just her either, but virtually everyone does it. The same goddamn fake smile. Perhaps for different reasons like pity or maybe to hide their anger, but it's all the same when it comes to that smile." Selena could only look down at her hands, unsure of what to do or say. And unfortunately, he wasn't done.

"Do you ever think to yourself that the world would be better off without you?" Her eyes widen, now paralyzed with fear, unable to speak. Her mouth began to tremble, her hands shaking, her heart bounding, but nothing came out. "I've been doing that to myself lately. Just the other night, images flashed through my mind of me meeting my demise, and the world went on as if nothing happened. The ones where I was both victim and perpetrator...

those were especially vivid.

And what's worse is that I don't fear it. In fact, it often felt euphoric. Multiple times I think to myself 'why not?' and sometimes think about those bedsheets as a noose, that quill on the desk as a knife, or simply open the window and jump. I don't, but I can't stop those thoughts."

"And like hell I'd let you do those things!" Selena quickly grabs him, and yanks him close to her face. "We might not be the beat of friends, but I care about you; we all do! You're important to each and everyone of us here, so don't you dare go dying on us!"

"Don't lie to me. I told you I see those fake smiles."

"Those aren't fake. They appreciate all that you do for them. I asked them myself numerous times!"

"I've heard them talk behind my back, y'know. About how they think I'm not good enough to work. Too inexperienced, too naïve, how my tactics will get someone killed. They're right to think that."

"Shut up!" Selena was now kidding angry, but it was clear she now upset too, as her eyes began to water. She didn't know what to say now; she was used to motivating soldiers to fight, sure, but not stop them for ending it all. He didn't believe anything she said, and now she was worried about the worst.

"Please don't tell Kagero any of this."

"Why shouldn't I? She loves you, and you her."

"I don't know how real these feelings are. For all I know, I'm just stressed out from working so much more recently." Selena gently brings them closer into a warm embrace, but Kima simply didn't move, as if refusing her attempt to comfort him. "The conflict will end soon enough. I'll tell her if the feelings still remain when it does. Until then, please keep this information away from her."

Unable to hold back her tears, she tightens her grip on him. "Fine. I won't tell her."

The Following Morning

*knock knock*

Kima woke up abruptly to the sound of knocking, his heart pounding. He initially thought to himself, 'maybe I can just sleep through it' but five minutes and the knocking continued. Defeated and tired, he opens up the door to see Alfonse waiting.

"Sorry, Al, I'm not quite done with the documents." Alfonse waved his hand, suggesting it's no big deal, confusing him.

"I'm not worried about that right now, I'm worried about you." Even more confused, Kima raised an eyebrow before he continues. "We just received an anonymous tip that you're feeling... mentally challenged, shall we say."

"I'm okay, really. No need to worry."

"Normally I would leave it at that, but I've been noticing some change in behavior recently myself," he says opening the door completely. "Just to be sure I want to ask some questions." Feeling betrayed, Kima bolts through the door in attempt to escape the Prince, but was suddenly grabbed by the arm and slammed against the wall, preventing him from making any headway.

"Idiot. Glad I knew you wouldn't be cooperative." He looks to the side and sees that Selena was the culprit. "Sorry, Kima, but this is for your own good."

Later That Day

Kagero was lead into a relatively small room in a remote area of Castle Askr where only a small table, a few chairs and two other people waited for her. The first person being Lucina, acting as a guard, but as a tether to the outside world, being someone close that he knew well, but didn't have the strongest attachment too. The other was...

Kima.

She sat down in front of him, but he was seemingly void of life, barely acknowledging her existence. Hoping to get a reaction, she started to reach for his hand, but felt like she should stop. After all, she didn't know what exactly got him here.

"Hey."

"Hi."

The room fell silent again, but Kagero simply couldn't let that be. She needed to know what was going on. "Be straight with me: what's going through your head right now?"

"How badly I must've upset you."

"Why do you think you upset me?"

"I didn't tell you the truth."

"Why didn't you tell me the truth?"

"I didn't want to burden you further."

"Why do your think it would've been a burden to me?"

"..."

The silence was deafening, and it proved that Kima had no reason to hide other than fear. She held out her hand, and was a bit shocked to see him take it. His hands were colder than the tundra of Nifl, lifeless in their touch, his skin coarse. She was now more worried than ever.

"How much do you know?"

"Selena told me that you didn't want to tell me, but since you were here, she told me everything." She began to cry, tightening her grip on his hands, but still, no emotion showed. "I wish you would've told me you were feeling this way. We could've worked through it all together. Until death do us part, ?"

"I didn't want you to worry."

"I'm going to worry no matter what! I'm your wife, your lover, your closest ally and friend!" She was beginning to get fed up by his rationale, but Kima still wasn't looking her in the eye. It became clear to her that this simply wasn't going to work. She needed to take a drastic approach. "Look at me." His head remained bowed. "Look at me!" No response.

"LOOK AT ME, DAMN IT!!!" A brief moment ed before he did as he was told, slowly, but surely meeting her eyes. He noticed how he was starting to cry, his eyes filled with tears unlike anything she had seen him do before. Noticing her vision getting blurred, she wiped her eyes with her handkerchief. "It's obvious that you have too much on your plate as it stands. Your responsibilities as our tactician, our leader, and as a summoner are just too much to handle, but they are important to maintain." Her hands shaking, she starts to slowly take off the ring on her finger, and place it in front of Kima.

"I think, it's best to break it off for now, until you manage to get back on your feet completely. Until you learn how to ask for help again. Until... you what it means to love someone again." She stands up and starts to open the door. "Please, make a complete recovery. Everyone is waiting and praying for you." She closes the door, leaving Kima with Lucina in the background. He reaches for the ring, and brings it close to him. Before he knows it, he began to break down, all the tears he had held back, now creating a river down his cheeks, his sobs loud, and would occasionally let his frustrations go with screams of agony. Lucina wanted to comfort him, but felt it necessary he needed some time to himself, approaching the exit, but Kima stopped her.

"Please..." he begged through his fits of sobs and hiccups. "I need... you to... be here." He bows his head, incapable of looking her in the eye. "I'm scared... of... being alone... please stay... so I don't... do... anything drastic." Lucina was worried, but she now understood him a little better. Those words were a good sign as well, that he wanted to get better somehow, that he needed help.

"Take all the time you need." She gives him a gentle smile, one he sees and immediately began to cry and little harder. "I'll be here if you need anything." He couldn't control his emotions anymore after seeing it...

A tried and true smile.