Stutter (Chapter Two)

A/N: I couldn't find any good places for pictures for this chapter, so they will probably be added later, I guess? Also, I originally wrote this like a year ago so it may not be properly edited. Apologies.

Previous Chapter

Disclaimer: This story- in fact, most likely the entire series- may contain depictions of depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, and self-hate. The main character suffers from many mental disorders, thus the voice in his head that is constantly nagging at him and him taking medications. Please read at your own risk.

Chapter Two: $30 and a Coupon

Tyler walks into his small room and lets out an exasperated sigh. The first day of 11th grade and he is finally realizing his sexuality. He throws himself face first onto his small bed and screams into his small pillow. Zack comes in without knocking, without announcing his entrance, without doing anything.

"You okay?" He sits at the foot of his bed, poking his foot. Tyler just rolls over and groans loudly at the ceiling. "No..." He mutters, throwing his hands over his forehead and eyes. Zack raises an eyebrow and smirks. "What happened, Ty Guy?" He pokes his brother's foot again, and Tyler grunts.

"I met a person. I talked to the person. I l-like the p-person..." He ignores his own stutter. Zack just smiles and sits next to Tyler's head.

"Who is this person Tyler?" He nudges his head. Somehow, Tyler knew that his brother knew before he even knew. He peeks through his fingers and his face flushes red. He wasn't ashamed, it was just weird for him. "I-it's a guy....His name is Josh..." As soon as he lets the sentence out into the world, Zack chuckles. It wasn't even close to funny, so Tyler had no idea why his brother was laughing.

"What are you laughing at, Zack? I'm GAY, nothing's funny about that!" He screams, managing to reduce the stutter to a minimal. Zack wipes away a fake tear and looks down at his brother. "I knew it." That is all he says, and it manages to fire Tyler up so much he screams. "You're fourteen how did you even observe that?"

He sits up, putting his little brother into a headlock and scruffs his hair. Zack laughs and breaks free from the brotherly love. "Everyone in this house knows it, dude. How did you not know? Hell, I'm straighter than you and I hate when I see a girl's cleavage." That remark makes Tyler just love his brother all the more. He had no regrets.

"So....tell me about him!" He punches his shoulder vigorously, and Tyler just huffs. "No." He folds his arms and crosses his legs. Zack punches his arm and tugs at it. "Come on!!!!" He screams into his face, trying to get him to talk.

"Fine! Jeez." Tyler closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. "He's not t-too tall, and he has deep brown hair and these g-gorgeous brown eyes. He wore a shirt with an a-alien's head on it and shoes to go with it. He has these a-adorable crescent dimples that are like craters in his cheeks....His smile is out-standing." He opens his eyes and sees Zack with his eyes wide open. "Okay please stop before I turn gay." He jokes, but Tyler hasn't really been known to have that great of a sense of humor.

"I can't 'turn you gay' Zack, you ninny." He air quotes him obnoxiously and punches his shoulder. "You know what I mean, you smartass." Zack punches him back and Tyler's expression changes pretty fast. "If mom heard you say that word she'd force feed you Holy Water."

They both laugh and fall back on the small bed, in the small room, in the small house, in the small town, in the small world.

"He lives next door, by the way." Zack gets serious and Tyler's eyes spring open. "W-wha...?"

"Yeah, how have you not noticed him, dude? Mom babysits his little sister all the time." He pokes Tyler's cheek and flashes him a brotherly smile.

Tyler falls asleep after a while, not really realizing it. But in his dream, there was a tree. That tree had two branches: One with a noose, and one with a phone. What he got from it was do it now or get help. He squinted into the gray fog. He could see red eyes looking back at him. As he walked closer, he was standing in front of a mirror. The eyes belonged to him, but he had painted black hands and a painted black neck. There was a sinister smile plastered on his face. Tyler could feel whatever this part of him was feeling, and he knew that because something dark surfaced to his attention.

"You," the mirror him pointed at Tyler, smile so wide he looked stuck that way. "You're pathetic. You are an utter disappointment." He lets his finger fall back down to his side, and Tyler just stares in pure shock.

"Who the hell are you?" He looks and sounds distressed. His hands were violently shaking and he couldn't get them to stop. He examined the figure he was staring at more. He didn't understand why but he couldn't make out his face.

"I represent your demons, kid. Call me whatever you want." He folds his arms and smirks. Tyler 's frown worsens and he stares into the mirror. "Bl-Blurryface..." He curls up his fingers and toes, trying to squish his fears down into his feet.

"I like it...Blurryface...How about Blurry for short, I don't have the patience...." He's scratching his chin and looking up. His glowing red eyes burn into Tyler's memory. All he can do is nod because he can't imagine a perfect him even in his own mind.

Tyler wakes up. That is all he does, just opening his eyes. He doesn't move in the slightest bit, and he doesn't blink for at least 30 seconds. His body stays stiff, and he can feel tears falling down his cheeks again. He lets out a soft whimper, which turns into a loud cry. Loud enough to fill the entire room and not concern anybody else in the house, not that anybody was in the house anyway. His mom and dad have left him in the house to rest while they scooped up his siblings and went out.

He stands up and walks silently out of his door. The floor squeaks as he steps on loose floorboards and the air temperature descends as he slowly makes his way down the stairs. All the lights are off, and the sunset's rays shine through the blinds.

Worthless, Blurry hissed in Tyler's ear. It was so real it was like he was next to him. He just shakes his head and walks back upstairs, into the bathroom across from his bedroom. The mirror reflects him, and for a second his eyes look hollow. When he blinks, their color returns. He stares into it, wishing he didn't have to look at himself. But, it was out of his control. Bathrooms have mirrors, he has a face. That's just how it works.

Hideous, Blurry chuckles. Tyler just solemnly nods at his reflection. "Repulsive," he violently whispers under his breath. He hated the way he smiled, the way he looked when he was tired, how skinny he was. It was all just wrong to him.

"Hideous disgusting creature, you are. I wish you were dead..." He mumbles to himself. The only time he could ever go a sentence without stuttering was when he stared in the mirror. And the words he said weren't even close to positive- ever.

Tyler decides to veer his attention away from the smudged mirror and looks in his medicine cabinet. It wasn't really only his but he was really the only one who used it. He basically kept all his medication in it, obviously, along with razor blades and ace bandages, peroxide, and other stuff like antibiotics- anything that would be in a first aid kit for when his clumsy hands scrape his skin the wrong way. Tyler stares at all the assorted pill bottles and how they're grouped together alphabetically and by importance. He takes his migraine medication, his anxiety medication, his antidepressants, and a dozen more. There was a total of at least 30 pills he had to take daily, otherwise, he'd have to deal with unwanted issues.

Tyler was diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression about 3 years ago when he was thirteen. His parents suspected so when his mother found a poem that had strayed from the rest of his papers. It talked about all of his fears catching up to him and consuming him one by one. Turning him into a silhouette, forcing him to walk around in eternal darkness where nobody could see him or hear his screams. He was immediately sent to a therapist and came back home with dozens of pill bottles.

He washes his face and looks back up into the cabinet and pulls down the box of razor blades. He pulls one out of the box and methodically fiddles with the edges, knowing exactly what he could do.

Do it...Blurry whispers so sinister it sends a chill down Tyler's spine. He stares at the blade gleaming in his hand, the edges slicing into his fingers. All he does is stare into the reflection of the light and turns the blade over a few times. After a while, he shakes the thought out of his mind, puts the razor back in the box and stows it away in its place.

Tyler proceeds to brush his teeth and slowly drag his feet down the stairs. The kitchen floor sent a cold shock through Tyler's bare feet, and he curls his toes as he walks to the fridge. There was nothing to eat...

"Well, great..." He mumbles as he slams the fridge door shut. In the corner of his eye, he catches a glimpse of his dad's wallet. Inside was $30 and some change, along with a Taco Bell coupon for 20% off burritos. Tyler saw this as an opportunity, since there was a Taco Bell a few blocks from his house and his family has left him to fend for himself. He grabs his dad's wallet, throws on his slippers, and heads out the door.

Outside was very dry and cold. Tyler could see his every breath in the brisk night air, and he shivered as he walked down his driveway. He refused to go back into his house for his hoodie because no matter how insecure he seemed, he had too much pride. His long sleeve shirt seemed like enough not to get frostbite, so he continued down the road, not understanding why it got so cold in August.

Inside the Taco Bell wasn't as crowded as Tyler wanted it to be. He felt so out of place when only five other people were scattered around the room. He walks up to the counter and places the coupon on the table and looks up at the cashier.

"So, do you want a burrito?" She looks at him, expecting some kind of answer. Tyler smiles softly yet awkwardly and nods. She types it into the monitor and looks back up at him. "Would you like a drink to go with that, sir?" The way she called him sir amused Tyler. She looked his age if not slightly older.

He looks up at the menu and taps his finger on the counter. "Do you have any R-r-r...." He stops and inhales deeply, counting his taps. "R-r-redbull...?" He doesn't look her in the eye. Instead, he stares at her name tag. Rose. He wonders if Rose thought he was an idiot. She just smiles sweetly and politely looks at him. "I'm sorry, sir we don't sell those here. Can I interest you in anything else, though? How about a cherry limeade slushy?" She offers him, pointing at the slushy machines behind her. Tyler looks down and nods, feeling knots in his stomach tighten and pull. She types it in and totals it up. "Okay, sir that'll be $23.50."

Tyler's eyes widened. All that for a burrito and a large slushy? He thought to himself. He hands her the $30 he stole from his dad and she gives him his change. Tyler stands and waits until she hands him his food, then struggles to find a place to sit. There were no spots for one person, only groups of two and more. Great...Tyler sighs and sits at a two-person table and sets his tray down. Then he sees Josh walk in the entrance. Wow, just my luck, he thinks to himself. Just my luck.

Tyler realizes that the burrito isn't worth how much embarrassment he'd go through if Josh saw him here. He picks it up and attempts walking out the side door of the restaurant. When he thinks he's lost Josh, he sighs in relief and pets his burrito affectionately. His hunger gnawed at his stomach like a parasite, so he takes one satisfying bite of the burrito. Then, a hand pats his shoulder. Tyler freezes, unwilling to turn around.

"Hey..." Josh's voice is soft and low. Tyler senses a different undertone weighing down in his voice. He turns around, still chewing. "...." He just blinks up at him, not at all sure what to do. He takes a moment to swallow his bite and smiles awkwardly at him. "Hey, Josh..." He lets his eyes wander and stop at his shoes. They were different.

"It kinda feels like you're trying to avoid me, Tyler. Are you?" He cocks his head, curious. Tyler gulps and just stares at his feet. "N-no. Maybe... A little bit, y-yeah..." He shamefully nods, digging his shoe into the dirt. He looks up and sees Josh's expression fall. A wave of guilt consumes Tyler and he can feel himself crumbling. "Oh, okay. Uh, well I'm sorry you, uh...Wanna avoid me..." Josh hesitates, trying to find the right words to use. Tyler tries to make his face show some expression other than guilt and embarrassment, but all that shows up is anger. He shakes his head and decides on indifferent. "No, it isn't you at all, i-it's just that I didn't expect to see you here. I was home alone and was hungry, I didn't m-mean to hurt your feelings..." Tyler quickly looks down, but Josh puts his index finger under his chin, lifting his head. Tyler feels his whole face change completely to red.

"Hey, you look down too much, dude..." he sweetly says, smiling.

They stare, and Josh's finger doesn't move. Tyler feels as if he'll never be able to figure this guy out because Josh finally lets his hand fall. There are no words Tyler can say that'll fix what just happened. The awkward silence becomes too much for him, so he very abruptly turns and walks away.