Happiness

purple

a few fragments

.....

  Holding your arm.

   Friends, cold blooded family.

   Sugar mixed with blood.

  Your glassy eyes trailing down to the ditch.

   Falling to the ground.

   Her hand closed around the red candy.

   Having my own version becoming blood.

.....

  Feeling the fear sink into thin bones.

  Muscles ten as the cold guilt floods in.

   Slow lungs begging for the hate to be let go.

   Resentment flowing through blue veins.

  Red, hot shame webbing through nerves.

   Empty anger taking hold in the stomach.

  Anxiety crawling through various organs.

  There is despair jumping from rib to rib.

   Disappointment running up and down the spines.

  Dark bone marrow infiltrated with doubt

  Grief taking apart the brain and putting it back together.

   Envy scratching through the esophagus.

   Falling out of the mouth is freezing irritation.

   And the warm call of remorse cracking the skull in half.

  Sweat pouring down like disgust on pale skin.

  And happiness battling them all.

   Everyone watching, screaming for an encore.

   Wanting to see who will win.

  Money ed around.

  Eyes never leaving the score board.

   At the end, the smooth happiness leaves.

   Falls out of the mouth, like envy and hatred once did.

   And looks for another victim.

.....

  Pills and alcohol,

  Cold in your bed,

  Hoping for more,

  In this purple home.

.....

  Cold arms on the keyboard.

  Lips frosting with hope.

  Snow falling onto your lashes.

  Roots frozen in place.

.....

  Feeling the warmth from the ice cubes and the.    

   smooth sound of the violins.

   The danilions nip at my skin, your eyes holding truth

   of the stars.

   Reaching the the small end of the rope.

   It tying around my ankles.

   Pulling me away against my will.

   The rope burns creating a spark against my skin.

   The sky taking away my lungs and harshest thoughts.

   Gripping the moon like a lifeline with the numbers I

   can not call.

   Her fingers braiding the waves of the ocean into my

   eyes.

   The sun bickering with the yellow daniloions and the

   ice yelling foul words at the moon.

.....

  We danced to nothing but our own hearts.

  The strings we lifted each other up with broken.

  The painted smiles dripping down on our bodies.

  We danced to our own rhythms, not letting him in.

   Making sure to tangle our selves in something we

   couldn't leave.

.....

  Filling my shallow pockets with gold.

  Holding onto the stories you have told.

   Again and again.

  Your words press me against the cross.

  I lay bleeding at the alter.

   His cold touch on my forehead.

   With the ever growing pressure in my chest.

   A box lined with rubies and lies,

   the tip of the knife pressed taightly against my throat.

   My nails did not hang me on a tree but on to the pew.

   The ever growing stench of mold creeping into the floors.

   The gold in my pockets falls for all of you to see.

.....

  Where has my mind gone?

   To the sun to the stars?

   Does it travel with the wind?

   Painting a mosaic with its friends?

   Are the soft whispers from past mistakes?

  Does it know to reach beneath the sand of Mars?

   Or to hold the many moons away from each other?

   Can it know the secrets of the galaxy with a simple trip?

   Can it watch the stars dance without getting jealous?

   What does it mean?

  Where has my mind gone?

.....