Writers dump # 1
A collection of short
stories by Deroute
Here’s a collection of short stories/ chapters I’ve written. I have only recently got back into writing, but I feel like I have improved a lot. Feel free to suggest what I could do to improve (constructive criticism is greatly appreciated)!
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Written 27/09/19
The ones who live will die
The icy wind crept shivers down his spine as he wondered through the woods. His eyes would dance and flicker attempting to make out as much of his surroundings as possible; the trees brushed against the neighbouring ones, creating a rusting sound. The occasional snap of a branch caused silence to fall in the woods. A sliver of the golden moonlight would peer into the darkness, but nor would it enter.
The woods used to be full of life and energy, humans and animals would flock to the lands, taking in the wonders of nature. But everything changed...
A new virus plagued the streets and swarmed the woodlands, it was inescapable. Vast populations of humans and animals died out. Leaving only the immune. But even immunity wouldn’t protect those who survived from ‘them’. Frankly the man didn’t know much about the organisation. He’d heard a few rumours of a government operation testing out new viruses as well as weaponry, but there was no way of finding out the truth. He’d fled a while back, the woods seemed unsurvivable to some, yet no where else seemed liveable (let alone safe) either.
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Written in September
Back to reality
It felt like forever since the girl had finally awoke from her slumber. The warm rays of the morning sunlight were shining onto her face, the weather was a discomfortingly hot and humid, draining the minimal amount of energy she had. She wanted to go back to sleep, to turn over and drift away to dreamland; she wanted to listen to the whistling tunes that the birds brought and see the soft wind outside making the trees dance in glee.
Gradually, she rolled over, taking great time getting out of bed, she made little effort, but 'any effort was better than nothing'.
Back to routine...
Slowly, she strolled over to her dress table, her eyes drifting to the mirror in front of her; her long night sleep was evident: her short blonde hair was messy, and she appeared incredibly tired. Powering through she began shifting through the mountain of clothes that were laid over the chair, picking out the first decent outfit she could find. In a zombie like trance she began her day.
An uneasy feeling hit her like a ton of bricks...
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TW: murder, violence, slight gore
Written in June
Chemical Killer
The door tentatively opened as the man peered around the gap, the chain the only thing keeping him and the person outside from entering. The man sighed and unlatched the chain allowing the door to swing open. "Come in."
He paced down the hall, as the person followed closely behind. "I wasn't expecting you to come here today." The man spoke his voice deep and raspy. "Sorry, I won't be long." The voice replied.
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Her eyes wondered, critically scanning the room as she entered. The stench grow stronger hitting her in the facing, it was overwhelming. The room was filled with detectives and forensics - like herself - who where eagerly over analysing every once of detail from the scene. Every fibre, every finger print, everything, had to be found.
"Ali" The man called out from the distance. It was DI Huntley. Ali paced over to him.
"What do we have here?" She asked - wanting to know the brief overview of the case before she started her search for evidence.
"Male, 26, appears to have been deceased for around 38 hours, cause of death is unknown, but he was found dead on the floor of his living room, we will get the coroners report to come back, we will inform you then."
Ali was a murder investigator, who specialises in forensics and analysing people and crime scenes was her specialty.
She crouched down next to the coffee table, which was next to where the victim was. A pool of blood on the tan brown carpet. "Make sure the scene has been photographed and get forensics to take a swab of this blood, it appears to be the victims. The scene right now looks to be consistent with an accident. Something happened and the decreased appeared to have fell, hitting his head on the coffee table, which knocked him out, or possibly killed him."
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![#405-[cu]Writers dump # 1
[cu]A collection of short
[cu]stories by Deroute
[ci]Here’s a collection of short stories/ chap](https://image.staticox.com/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fpm1.aminoapps.descargarjuegos.org%2F7328%2Fb2ea73c8996ebcd20a6c8a5526c42082cfbf6105r1-2048-2048v2_hq.jpg)
Comments (10)
Really good! I honestly love the detail and the story in general going on here. I really liked your wording like “the icy wind crept shivers down his spine”, “a sliver of the golden moonlight”.
I like the setup you have with this. With the date and having a short sentence underneath.
Thank you
wooooo deroute 🥳
Thank you!
OMG YOU'VE GOT FEATUUREDDDDD :two_hearts: :two_hearts: :two_hearts: :two_hearts: :two_hearts:
Thank you!! :D
Heya, Jo here from the Committee^^
First I want to comment on the overall impression of this post. These are very small fragments and while at first something distracted me about the style, I noticed that this was because it felt like there should be more. Meaning, I wanted to know more, about each and every story. So congrats on intriguing me like that! They don't even seem that much like short stories to me, since shorts usually (for me) have little to no background information, the characters no names or histories. That's partially different here. It gives the stories... you could say, character.
Now onto the different stories themselves!
In the first one I nkticed some things that seemed off to me, like:
"Crept shivers down his spine", it seems weird to me that the wind actively does that. Also, did you mean to say "wandering" or really "wondering"? And I believe "rustling" instead of "rusting". I really like the beginning, with the ominous setting and hint at something dangerous. I have to it, for such a short piece it felt weird to me to bring in subjects like 'government'. I personally (and that's my personal way of storytelling) would have kept it vague, uncertain, so the reader is intrigued by the mystery. Even if the protagonist knows something, the reader should have to wait to find out. Of course in a short story that's often not that easy. I think this has potential and sounds like a great plot or start of a longer story!
The second piece seems very relatable to me, everything taking so much effort, even the smallest of actions. She seems like someone with mental health issues and I believe that one can interpret many things into the symptoms the protagonist shows in this small piece. I think you brought the message across really well. One small thing, I'd leave out the 'a' in "was a discomfortingly" and maybe change it to 'uncomfortably'. Also, 'taking great time' is not a phrase I know or am familiar with. It doesn't sound quite right, but I'm not really sure.
I love your ending to the piece. It leaves me wanting to read more, again, wanting to know what will happen next. Good job with that!
[To be continued]
[Continuing]
Now, Chemical Killer. That's what I call an ominous beginning! Love it! It makes it clear that something happened and as reader one knows more than the characters (also a good strategy). It read like the beginning of a detective or crime show. Only thing I noticed in the beginning: 'Keeping him and the person from outside from entering', but he would not enter anything, right? Maybe take a look at that sentence again^^
Also, I think you might have meant "her eyes wandered", instead of "wondered". "Hitting her in the facing"? I'd put "face"^^
Other than that, this piece is very interesting and well written. It gives a lot of information for a short story, but in this case it doesn't bother me. It has a very sort of scientific vibe to it, so information only increases that. Again, I believe this can easily turn into a longer story, which I'd be very interested in! Good job setting this up and even in a few paragraphs painting an intriguing scene!
I hope this helps you a bit^^
Reply to: Crow
Thank you so much for the . I feel like I should re-read and edit my works a bit more to help fix any grammatical errors. I appreciate you pointing that out. Thank you also for all of the points and ! I hope you have a lovely day! :)