Starting again:

Good morning everyone. My name is Simon and today I bring another blog.

I have not made one of these posts in quite a while. I hope it can bring some form of motivation or inspiration to others who are struggling.

The last few months have been extremely difficult for our system and household. As our Grandmothers condition got worse, so did our mental health. Our previous productivity down falling quickly. Falling into bad habits and old habits.

As I review our goals, look back at our achievements and see the things I did in the past. I could slowly feel the spark come back. At times, the downs get us pretty bad. But for the past few days. Our days have been filled with productivity. It will take time to reach our old limitations. Right now, we cannot study as long as we use to, sleep as less as we use to. For now we will start slow and crawl our way back up. Making sure to avoid burn out, as I learned that lesson the hard way.

Trigger warning. As I talk about the past few months. Things that is will include are mentions of cancer, car wrecks, family issues and stress.

I noticed our drive start to grow less. I saw our depression get worse. I believe this started in November of 2021 when I noticed that we started to struggle again. We started to get behind in classes, we started to sleep much more and become sluggish. The teachers always were quite lenient, understanding my situation when I asked for an extension. Our Great Grandmother had two cancers last year. Breast cancer and skin cancer. Both of which were removed, as she as well had a breast removed. Around the end of 2021, when our depression got worse. She noticed she was having vaginal bleeding. Going to see the doctor, the found uterine cancer. A week layer, they found the cancer had spread to her lungs. She required oxygen as he coughed and was unable to walk or stand much. She started chemo again. This time losing her hair. Many days we have had to watch the house as she stayed in the ER. I had to find a way to work, which many times I had called out. When grandma was not doing well, I would call out to take care of her. It was stressful. Only recently have we started to have company over in order to help. This has also brought stress. With 8 people in the house, the dishes pile up, the trash piles up and the fighting becomes more frequent.

Janurary 21st; I had just finished my 2nd drivers lesson that my DriversED provided. I needed three before I would get my license. I waited in a nearby building, waiting to be picked up. We picked up Burger King for lunch. Driving down, we ed an intersection, before we noticed a car tboned us at 50 miles an hour and cause the car to stand straight up before falling onto of a stop sign and 3 foot wall. All I saying was "we had the right of way."

This 70-80 year old woman was driving a 2020 BMW, she had ran the stop sign and hit us, as well as speeding. About 4 or 5 witnesses said she had ran the stop sign. The officers let us stay in their car to try and warm up. As it was below freezing and we had no winter gear. After, we stayed at the ER for about 6 hours. I had whiplash and a sprained neck, our little cousin was fine. Our Nana, the one driving that got the direct hit. As the other Tboned the driver side. He many abrasion and a bruised rib, to this day it still hurts for her and a fracture will not show until 24 hours on the xray. Already having PTSD with driving, it only got worse to the point being in the enger seat cause panic attacks. We thankfully have slowly got over it and have our license now. We had got it on Feburary 8th and have drived 50 miles so far in total.

This semester I had reduced our schedule to two classes due to the things going on. Still behind in one class, i have recently been working my way to catch up. While I stay decently caught up in an advanced class. As i get my drive back. It only becomes easier to do the work, to study, to even go to work. I still have a lot of things I need to do. I need to start exercising, I need to catch up on some paper work and basic life needs. I need to start looking for a car, I need to take better care of our hygiene.

But I know I cannot do this by myself as an alter. I cannot balance inside needs and outside needs. I continue to work towards trusting the others to do what needs to be done. That has been difficult and has taken months to get somewhat use to. I will have to continue to get better at it. This will allow us to better avoid burn out and spurts of instability, as it will prevent from myself becoming too overwhelmed and spilling the rest to the others who cannot handle it.

This week I plan to focus on getting caught up, practicing good coping skills and letting others help with class work and work. As well as keeping our house clean and in order. I am somewhat excited to try and live the life I use to many months ago. I was often far more happier, our system was.

The reason for the blogs I use to write weekly, sometimes daily. Was to show others order and structure even with being a DID system. Showing one can be successful even with having mental illness. As many people are told they will never live a 'normal' life once diagnosed.

That is all for now,

Farewell.