Jazz's Anti-Bullying Tips

#StopBullyingSA

Author's note: AKA, Jazz triggered herself and wrote a guide she wished she had as a little-er kid.

Alright, now that I have looked on Tumblr and have successfully triggered myself like an idiot, here I am to share my tips on helping stop bullying.

I've got a few things I would like to say first, primarily about some posts I've seen on here.

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Guys, please be wary of other . Not everyone can be open about things. Not every can handle in-depth talks about it. For some people, including myself at times, stories about what happened and how you felt and what you did or didn't do can be triggering.

That's not to say you shouldn't ever talk about it. Mind the time and place, though.

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Alright. Here's a few tips:

For a “victim”

~If you can, try ignoring it first.

Ignoring it can do a lot if the person is doing it to get a reaction. Results may vary, but it can work in the right circumstance.

~If you can, tell a teacher or other adult-in-charge.

Look, I get it. It's scary, but no one can help unless you ask. I get it might not be something they can fix; if everyone in the grade is ignoring you, you can't just ask the teacher to fix it. They will tell you to change yourself, and you shouldn't have to.

~TALK TO SOMEONE ABOUT IT.

This is different than the last point. Tell your parents, tell a friend, vent on Tumblr or Vent. If your parents are safe to tell, I recommend it. You can ask them not to mention it to the other party (though they may not listen), but they need to know what you're going through, and they might have wisdom to help you through it.

~Identify toxic friends.

If their friendship wavers, if they blame/get mad at you for stuff that isn't your fault, etc., YOU DON'T NEED THEM. I get it, you think toxic friends are better than none. That's not true. Being alone with just family or even online friends, that's infinitely better than crappy manipulative people who are out to tear you down. They hurt you worse overall. You can make good friends on here.

~If you have good people you can be around, stick to them.

If you have unwavering and ive friends you can be around or talk to, take advantage of that. Find who is willing to listen, who is willing to distract, and who is willing to do both. You’ll have the ones you can vent to, the ones who are willing to help you take your mind off of things, and the ones who can do both. This is your group, and this is essential

~~side note: Please note that you have to do your part in the friendship, too. Any relationship should be symbiotic; you should both help each other as much as you can, and keep it close to equal. Friends understand if you’re having a hard time, but just as you shouldn’t do all the work, neither should they.

For a “Bystander”

Look kid, no pressure, but as a bystander, you are in an important place. You have the power to either side, and sorry to say, but if you’re just bystanding, you’re still on the bully’s side. In this type of power imbalance, there is no neutral. Here’s how to help

~Stand up when you can, even if it’s really polite.

You can always just say, “Hey man, that’s not cool.” Maybe you’re not the only one who feels that way, you’re just the only one brave enough to speak up. If you’re cool about it, or even funny, you’ve got a better chance than threatening violence, although as a last resort, it’s fine (just be able to back it up).

~If you can’t bring yourself to stand up for them, befriend them.

Some of you may be thinking, “Man, who wants to befriend the loser?” No one really wants to BE the loser, if we’re being honest here. At least go talk to them, and you might find they’re super cool. It’s never fun to be bullied, and you can do so much by just making someone feel less alone.

~Don’t be afraid to tell a teacher (or other adult-in-charge).

No one wants to be the snitch, but here’s some news: You don’t have to be. Ever hear of anonymous notes? Emails? Confidentiality in general? This is still semi-useful. It’s better if you know the bullied is okay with it, or that they won’t be in more danger for it. This is especially best if there’s risk of physical confrontation. When I was in *shudder* public school, if someone attacked us and we fought back, we’d still get in trouble, even though it was self-defense. School Staff is key.

~Take care of yourself, as well.

No one really wants to acknowledge that bystanders and bullied-bullies run the highest risk of mental illness. Acknowledge that you are a human in a bystander position, so you still have to practice self-care.

For the Bully

I doubt any bully would be reading these tips, but just in case.

~Talk to someone.

The nice way. I’ve grown a lot and begun to realize that bullies are just humans. Some have antisocial personality disorder and can’t really be helped, but some people are just in really bad places. If that’s you, talk to someone. Don’t be ashamed to have feelings, don’t be scared of seeming like anything. You are a human. It’s normal to feel, and if you don’t let yourself feel and breathe and live, the emotions will hit very deeply when they do. Please, take care of yourself.

~Learn to cope

In a healthy way. I get that emotions can be felt so strong sometimes. Anger is overwhelming and so hard to control. Just breathe through it. It will take time and guidance, but you will learn how to cope in a healthy way, and that will help both you and those you lash out towards.

~Respect is important.

No one is beneath or above you. We as humans are made generally the same. We don’t choose to be who we are, and we all have things we wish we could change. Some of us have more money, lighter pigment, love interests of the opposite sex, etc. That doesn’t make you better, that gives you a boost to help where you can fall flat.

~If there’s something affecting you elsewhere, tell someone.

If you’re in an abusive household, if your friends are toxic, if you were bullied in the past; You can get to a better place. At the end of it all, are you going to be happy knowing you coped by tearing others down? Talking to someone, as I stated earlier, can help. I get life isn’t always fair, but you don’t know what someone else is going through; they could have the same problems as you, with the exception of however you’re breaking them down.

~Think.

Think of yourself, and care for yourself. Think of the person or people you’re hurting. Think of better ways to handle the day. Think, and feel. Think of how you all deserve better.

And finally, a section after my own heart,

For the Survivors.

There are days you feel broken, like you’re just getting by. There are days you’re angry or frustrated, vulnerable and depressed, days when you can’t find your trust or feel under attack. I know. But there are the days when you’re excited and happy, the days when you’re on top of the world, the day is beautiful, your friends are the best, and the bad times never happened. I know. I understand.

~ team.

As in the friends and family willing to listen, distract, and help cope. I have a lot of people that are here for me, who have my back and who I can have my back to. It took a while, but I found my people, and if you haven’t, you will. Just keep an eye out.

~It’s okay to feel broken or not okay.

It’s okay to have problems because of how people treated you. I do ask that you get help for the problems to minimize both the issues and their impact on you, but it’s okay. You’re allowed to have bad days, you are allowed to be hurt, you’re allowed to feel pain or sadness, even anger. But learn to manage it, because you don’t want to continue the cycle.

~It’s okay to have stuff you need to work on.

No, I can’t go past my old school comfortably. No, I don’t like being inside any public school. No, I don’t trust easily. Yes, I have horrible days when I vent to my friends and then apologize endlessly for possibly bringing them down. Yes, I have days when my job as curator becomes impossible, because if I have to disable a post, and worry that I’m making a mistake, or that I’m going to get told off, I can’t bring myself to do it. I know this, and I know that it’s stuff I have to work on. I know I will recover further. I know I still have room to grow as a person. I know you can too.

~It’s okay to still struggle with it.

~It’s not okay to take it out on yourself or others.

~You survived and you will grow into a better state of mind.

~~~Final Thoughts~~~

No one asked to be hurt. No one asked for enough pain to necessitate a month of awareness and prevention. But no matter who you are, you can help yourself and others, with just a bit of time and patience.

Thanks for reading, and hopefully these tips help.

Stay Strong, My Friends.