Cause even though I haven’t been on since February, so much has happened and I’ve been so busy that I feel like it’s been a year since I was last in here.
Anyways! I moved in with my boyfriend and his family at the start of March. It’s a very temporary situation while he and I look for an apartment. I could have stayed at my dad’s during this process, but I feel it’s more motivating for us to find a place when we have his family nosing into our privacy every 10 minutes. Also, it gives us the chance to kinda feel out what it would be like to live with each other. His dad is old fashioned so I do have to sleep in the guest bedroom (not my house, so I respect his rules), but I spend literally every waking moment in my boyfriend’s room when we aren’t at work. As a result, we’ve started to pick up on each other’s living habits and started learning to compromise, and have even developed a routine of who does what and all that.
Another drastic change: I quit the job at Wendy’s (after only 4 days) and started working where my boyfriend works. This was another reason why I moved in with his family. His place is much closer to the job than my dad’s. The job pays me a whole lot more than Wendy’s did, it’s also full time, and I get paid every week, which is VERY convenient. I hated working at Wendy’s with a burning ion, so I didn’t hesitate to quit without a two weeks notice (I was only there for 4 days anyways, you know?). I’ve been working at this new job for a month now and I really enjoy it! It’s a combination of customer service, retail, and physical labor which I enjoy. The job keeps me busy the entire time because there is literally always something to do, and that helps the time fly by a bit faster.
On top of those two big things, there’s been a bunch of little things that have happened. I can’t take my antidepressant anymore because it started making me feel nauseous for some reason, and I was okay for about a month after I stopped taking them, but recently it’s been really hard. I’ve been moody, overly sensitive, extremely defensive and combative. My feelings are more easily hurt and I’m anxious all the time. A small criticism turns into a world shattering remark in my head. I recently went on a trip to visit my family and it kinda triggered some old habits and thought patterns and it’s been really hard to get out of that funk. I’ve been accidentally lashing out at my boyfriend ever since the trip because he likes to playfully tease me about things. Normally I actually laugh and find it funny, but since the trip, I just can’t handle it. I’ve been making a very conscious effort for the past week and a half to be better about that because it’s not fair to him and I feel terrible about it.
Visiting my family is always really hard for me. I have a very judgmental and nosy family. They always have something to say about my weight/body, my hair, my skin, my job, my progress in college, my lack of a car or driver’s license, not having my own place yet, etc. and not being on my medication made that a very difficult experience to get through. By the end of the trip, I was angry and anxious and stressed to all hell, which isn’t me. Even now, when I think about some of the things they said, especially my mom, I just feel a bubble of anger and hurt in my chest. Normally, I could brush it off and say “fuck them, not like they’ve helped me with anything, not like they’re the ones paying for my school tuition or anything like that, so what they have to say doesn’t matter,” but I just can’t seem to shake it off.
I have two doctor appointments set up to deal with my health problems as of late; my depression for starters. I also need to get a full physical examination and full blood test. I’ve been having stomach issues for a while now and I need to figure out what’s going on. Unfortunately, those appointments aren’t for another month so I just have to make due until then, or find a new clinic that can fit me in sooner. The problem is that I’ve been going to the same clinic for about a decade, so the idea of going to a new place makes me nervous.
So yeah, a lot has happened and a lot is going on. It’s been pretty stressful, but I’m not unhappy with my life and where I’m at. I love living with my boyfriend, and I like that we are on our way to becoming independent.
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