Hunting Manaketes w/ Le'Roy

"Is this thing on? Ok cool-"

Hi, m'names Le-Roy Jenkins, and idk bout y'all, but Manaketes are f*ckin gay. I hate Manaketes just as much as i hate equal rights, they f*ckin piss me off. And now this "Feh the owl" wants to bring in another old green haired bimbo wit a lizard tail…what the f*ck is up with that?! That's f*ckin gay! Y'all already noticed my part'na back there. Julie tell em wut u think bout manaketes."

Julia: "U-uh yeah, they're f*ckin gay!"

"Damn right they are!"

Julia: "Pissin' me off!"

"And now they're bringin in more and more of them manaketes, tryna take our rights away, an' its pissin' me the f*ck off! So me and my part'na are gonna take our fustration out, and do a lil bit of manakete huntin, and we gon' show y'all how to do it.

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Introduction

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"Ight, huntin' manaketes might seem like a bitch to do for sum of y'all, but sh*t's actually real simple. It's like catching a Pokemon, w/o feelin' like a faggot afterwards. First time I've killed a manakete was when i was 15. Some blonde whore brought in a pet manakete, and i took that lil sh*t in the woods wit it thinkin she goin t'see rabbits, and I shot it in the back of the head. When they asked me who dun it, just told em my buddy Wolt did it. And that's why he servin' life in prison now...

But that's besides the point. As u can see, Killin' manaketes ain't that hard. They ain't bright, they some stupid mfs. But wut we gon' show ya today is how to hunt manakete the right way, cuz if you gonna hunt manakete right away, best be well prepared with the knowledge taht we gon' share with u rn. So first, we gon' start with the basics...

Ok Julia u can stop recording now."

Julia: "How do I stop recording?"

"Just press the square button."

Julia: "I can't find it."

"Omf- here gimme the camara."

Julia: "No no no, I-Its ok I can find it!"

"I SAID GIVE ME THE FU-

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Weapon

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LeRoy: "One of the most important things ya need t'hunt a manakete is ofc, the right weapon. Everybody knows ya can't just win a Nascar race with ur rundown 2001 Chevy S10, you need the highest end of car fit for racin'. Same logic applies to manakete huntin'. Ya can't just use any ole weapon to kill a manakete, you need the most appropriate weapon that's made for showin those stupid dragons that ur the f*ckin' boss around here. So ima take it to ma part'na Julia, so she can show Y'all wut kinda sh*t ya need!

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"Julia you're sure you got the whole camara thing figured out?"

Julia "Yes i got it, don't worry about it."

"Alright then..

Le'Roy: Ight welcome to our weapons room, where we keep our weapons and sh*t. One thing ya need to know when ya confront a dragon, is that ya can't just whip out ur weiner and start slappin' em wit it."

Julia: "Wait wha-

"You gotta use the right weapons tha's appropriate for killing things as mean as a manakete. So today ima show y'all some equipment here that's perfect fo' dragon killin'.

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Falchions

Le'Roy: "Igh' so wut we got herr is a first of its kind, the Falchion. Its was most notably held by that bitch ass Marth back in 89' when he shoved it up that bald bastards ass, it was hilarious. This sword right herr is the sharpest in the country, perfect fo killin' dragon. One simple cut, they gon' have an anxiety attack and die. Definitely gon' need this bad boi. Oh, and DON' confuse it wit the bum Falchion that d*ckwad Lucina has, its a fake. She goes around flappin' her gums about hows its made from Naga's teeth, bullsh*t is what i say. My buddy Chuck told me he saw her buy it at the flee market down Foothill Blvd, she's full of sh*t. But all in all, this sword guarantees that ya gonna hit the bulleye everytime.

ya know Marth went full commando during that fight. Its a true story, they called him 'Bugs Lights' for awhile :joy: ."

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A Dragons throat (Breath of Fog for context)

"Now next up we got an actual dragons throat. Julia an I went up them woods last month and we slit the sh*t out some dragons asofogus, and that's how we got this. Its kinda like a dog whistle, just blow into it, a dragons will freak tf out. Here, lemme show Y'all how it goes

*blow*

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The Naga Tome

"Julia, you take over on this one."

"W-why me?!"

"Its your thing, you explain how it works."

"...fine."

"Do I still have to do the southern accent?"

"Yes, now c'mon say something."

"oh geez..."

Julia: Igh, so this thing i got herr is called the Naga Tome, my personal weapon when I go out huntin' manakete. for me it gets the job done everytime, i like the irony of an LED dragon showing up to murder another dragon, neva gets old...Idk what anything says inside the book, i just kinda hold wit my left hand, and twirl ma right hand 'round and hope something happens...Itsa very powerful tome, even w/o the magic involved. one time i threw it hard as sh*t at a redheaded man, and it gave him permanant brain damage. Ig the only bad thing was, that was my brother, but that's what he gets for stratching my Grand Theft Auto disc..."

Le'Roy: "...You got issues."

"I know :pensive: ..."

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Different Types of Manaketes

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Le'Roy: "Now that we got the basics out the way, we gotta go into more deep territory, and that is knowin' all the dragon species. A rookie mistake most people make is goin' out w/o doin' proper research, and as a result they don' know what dragons they encounter, next thing they know, they end up gettin' butt-raped. So t'make sure y'all don' make that dumbass mistake, ima list off a few different types of manaketes that ya need to look out for.

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The Barefoot Dragons

Le'Roy: "Now wut we got herr is a weird species of dragons, known as Barefoot Dragons. Their pretty much self-explanatory, their just barefoot, idk why. I reckon they can do with sandals, but whateva. One notable thing bout these f*ckers is that they have wut we like to call here in the south, 'Slave Feet'. Meanin' they are impervious to wut they step on; whether that be thorns, tree branches, or pepples, they ain't feelin' sh*t. As a result, They sprint fast asf, like Osain Bolt on LSD. But don' worry, they're mostly harmless. But if provoked, they won't hesistate to walk up to ya and shove their foot up ur ass, spreading their foot fungus inside ur prostate. So be prepared when sneakin, up to em'.

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Purple Sh*ts

Le'Roy: Igh now these mfs are something. The Purple Sh*ts can be easily identified by the weird purple smoke things around them, prolly radiating from all dem diseases they hav', C'rona, STD's, Syphilis', all of em. Unlike the last species, these f*ckers aint playin' 'round, they'll f*ck you up on sight. Even worse, for some reason they and the Barefoot Dragons are friends, so they can just team up, and steal ya virginity, but not in a good way. Definitely watch out fo' these ones.

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English Dragons

Le'Roy: “The English Dragons are weird as sh*t. Idk what it is wit’ em, They hav this weird ass accent they talk in, and they speak in some kinda ancient language. One time I overheard two of em bitches talkin’, and the only i picked up on was ‘Tesco Butter’. Idk what that means, but sounds like communism to me."

Julia: "...I'm pretty sure they were just talking about butter-

Le'Roy: "Ya see, That's wat they want ya' to think! Their all full of sh*t, trust me!”

Julia: -_-

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Additonal Items

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Le'Roy: "So now ya know what type of manaketes to look out for, now s'time to get into the mo' strategic aspect to manakete huntin', and that is knowing what the f*ck pisses them off. Having a cool asf weapon is all fine and dandy, but what if sh*t hits the fan? What if things start goin' wrong, and that sum'bitch is chasin' after ya? Well, you gotta start usin' ya brainzz. Again, ya gotta know wut makes each dragon tick, and I'm gunna list off some things y'all can use to ya' advantage.

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"A Barefoot Dragons biggest fear is not death itself, but footwear. Whether that be socks, sandels, or both of them combined. Just throw them sh*ts like your Bret Favre at their stupid face, and shoot them."

All dragons are such lazy bums, that they are too afraid of manuel labor. What ya wanna do is take the paper and try to aim for the eye, gets em everytime

”Dem Purple Sh*ts don’ like to take showers. Try to blind side em by spraying this sh*t on em’ and they’ll get a seizure.

”It don’ matter who ya are, nobody, and i mean NOBODY can handle the pain that you get from stepping on a lego, not even the Barefoot Dragons.

”All these items strike fear in a manaketes heart. These items right here will make a manakete become ur bitch. But beware, If they get desperate, they may start to Sing...or Dance. Make sure a manakete don’ do either of these actions. Watchin’ em dance is like watchin’ ur parents do it in front of ya, its absolutely disgustin’...but you can’t look away…”

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The Demonstration

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Le’Roy: “So we pretty much showed ya’ everything ya need to know. Now we gon’ take all that and put it to action. So watch this:

Le’Roy: “(Hold the camara still! Igh we forgot to tell yall bout’ these, but wut we got here is a code 281, also known as an Ice Dragon, we call em Blues Clues. These f*ckers are a rare breed of manakete, only two of em exist. These are the dancin’ type i was mentionin’. So wut im gon’ do is sneak up on the bastard and slit his throat. Julia if anythin’ goes wrong, use the Febreze to blind him.)”

Julia: “(Got it.)”

Nils: “Oh, Hi Roy!”

Le’Roy:”(...sh*t.)”

Nils: “How’s it going?”

Roy: Uh, oh you know, just hanging around, nothing much hehe- JULIA NOW!”

Nils: “What the-

Roy: “JULIA WHAT THE F*CK!?”

Julia: “SORRY I COULDN'T OPEN IT!”

Roy: “JUST USE UR BOOK!”

Julia: “BUT NILS IS OUR FRIEND!”

Roy: ”*sigh* you know what, lets just go, its a bust…”

Nils: "...Uh, you guys want your febreze bottle?"

Roy: "Keep it! We lost the receipt anyways!"

Nils: "ok…?"

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Conclusion

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Le'Roy: "And that's pretty much about it. What you've learned today is that manaketes are f*ckin gay. they are a disgrace to mankind, and what we've just shown y'all is pretty much how to put em' in their place, and hopefully this helps you become a war crim- i mean a better hunter. So til' next, my names Le'Roy J-

"ROY!"

Ninian: "Roy what did I tell you about trying to kill your uncle!"

Roy: "But it was an accident."

Ninian: "I don't care, stop doing it! And that goes for you too!"

Julia: "..."

Ninian: "Now go to bed, its past midnight!"

Roy: "...yes mom.."

"..."

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Hey, Xavi here. Just wanna give a special thanks to Le'Roy and Julia for helping me with #FEHAPrompt29, they worked real hard on it, so props to them! If u don't know, the prompt this month is all about dragons and beast units, i think both of them are really cool. So cool that I'm gonna do something as cool. This post is ofc about dragons, but the next blog I'm gonna work on will be about beast units. I can't gurantee that it'll be for the prompt as well, so it'll probably just be a regular blog, but still stay tuned for that! Ig there isn't much more to say...

other than the new Amino update is absolute garbage :joy: . Its like I can't post any music on my wall w/o worrying bout the link not being f*cking valid. If the only good thing is that they finally removed the viewer feature from peoples profiles. It was garbage then, so thank f*cking god. But other than that, nothing really changed, as far as I'm concerned. So that's really all i got to say, happy June everyone. Apparently June is a birthday month, alot of guys have their birthday on June for some reason...including me, which falls on the 27th. Idk bout u guys, but 19 is like 89 these days, i might just die of old age rn, who knows. But anyways, hope y'all have a good summer, and I'll see y'all when i feel like it.

Bye

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